My First Testimony of His Miracle of Grace – from Paranoid Schizophrenia

​

I was 33 years old and had been married 6 years and we had just started counseling with a Christian Psychologist because we thought I was crazy. After all those years, I was finally diagnosed with “Paranoid Schizophrenia” and it was a relief to know what was wrong.   I experienced delusions constantly (things coming through the wall to get me), constant voices demanding me to hurt myself.  I was hysterical or in rage most of the time.   It felt like a hurricane swirling around me constantly with no sign of relief.   My husband was like a deer in the headlights – and didn’t know what to do with me, so avoided me as much as he could.   

​

My mother had been abused severely as a child and so she was a dysfunctional & abusive mother to us.   I was appointed the caretaker, my sister under me was the cute darling, and my youngest sister was the scapegoat, not wanted and often sent to an aunt and grandma to raise - - that ended up being a blessing for her. 

​

I had come to the end of myself.   It felt like hell.   I cried out to God to help me….He heard me and answered me in a most unusual way. 

​

A little book came into my hands “Prison to Praise” by Merlin Carothers. The suggested scripture came alive to me as the answer.  It jumped off the pages.

​

1 Thessalonians 5:20 AMPC “Thank God in everything [no matter what the circumstances…] for this is the will of God for you who are in Christ Jesus...’ 

​

That day I made a definite choice to do it God’s way and to “give thanks” for my Mother, and the hatred I had for her (and even myself, but I didn’t understand that at the time.) 

​

I did not actually say I forgive, but every time I said “thank you”, I was submitting my Mother into the hands of the Lord and releasing her from me. 

​

I persevered through this for 3 months and saw no difference in how I felt on the inside, but I decided that “If I had to give thanks to the Lord for the rest of my life - - then that is what I will do”.  

​

So after 3 months, one evening, my husband and I started into an argument.   I heard the Lord speak to me very loudly…”Nancy are you going to do this my way?”

 

I immediately said, “Yes, Lord”.   Without fully understanding, I made a decision to follow Jesus – His way.   I realize now, my deliverance was at hand and I was about to blow it.  (I may have had to go around that mountain again.) I thank the Lord for His grace and discipline at that moment.

​

My husband and I kissed each other and went to bed. There was an immediate peace within both of us.   When I woke up the next morning - I had a new brain.  I could see bright colors and life all around me. No voices, no delusions, no chaos, no terror, no demonic influences - -- it was truly remarkable. I was transformed into a new person. The person He intended me to be.

​

As a bonus, I was also healed of three chronic illnesses…and confirmed by the specialists.  

​

This was the first time I understood the free gift of GRACE.   He heard my cry, He answered.   When I was 12 years old, a woman evangelist came to our country church and proclaimed the gospel of Jesus Christ.  As shy as I was I ran to the front to accept Him as my Savior.   I knew He was alive that day - - - but because of my family, my heart became very crusted over and I could NOT feel HIM anymore. 

​

I LEARNED, that HE was always there and had never left - - - just waiting for me as HE continually put things in front of me to choose. When I made a choice to say “thank you”, I was submitting all that I was to Him - - - AND HE, DELIVERED ME FROM THE ENEMY AND HEALED ME OF MY DISEASES – AND FILLED ME WITH HIS JOY.   

​

I am forever GRATEFUL FOR this new life Jesus has put inside of me.  To Him be the glory.